The End of an Era

Ok so that may be a bit dramatic. I don't know 157 posts over two years, four months and 25 days counts as an era? Semantics.

At any rate, as many of you know, there has been something of a hiatus in this space over the last several months. There are a number of reasons for this. I am going to make the conscious decision not to share these reasons with you right now...except one. I didn't want to "hijack" Molly's space.

At first I thought it would be ok to just sort of leave it alone. Eventually I would forget that this was therapeutic and all my loyal readers would move on and find other places to visit. Thankfully, neither of those things have happened.

I have recognized how much therapy this exercise brings, and I have been asked more than once when I'll start posting again. In the spirit of both these findings, I have decided to end this particular blog and begin a new one.

I welcome you all to visit Because I Never Got a Chance to Say Goodbye... Hopefully the first post will be there soon, and it should give you a little background on what and why.

Until then. Thank you all...for everything.

A Day "Off"

Again, this is another post drafted long ago. This, however, is incomplete and was drafted while Molly was still with us. It was originally intended to describe the course of a normal day at home; all the tasks which my angelic wife so ably performed for our children. What it was not meant to do was sound like me complaining; in hindsight that's what it sounds like.

Sadly what sticks out the most is that it was less than one week before Molly died and she was as happy as ever. I remember the scene in the doctor's office like it just happened - and I would bet a paycheck Dr. Paul would say the same thing.


March 7, 2008
That's right I stayed home from work last Thursday.

Erin called me Wednesday to say she wasn't feeling well so I came home in time to pick up Gavin from school. I did my best to tend to the little ones for the remainder of the day, including a dinner date with the Hilton Head Browns over at Margot's parents' house. Erin has Molly's feeding schedule and medication doses and timing memorized. I am not so fortunate, so as a child of technology I went ahead and started putting all that pertinent information into my iPhone. Now every time something important has to happen for the Bear, I get a reminder. At any rate we had a nice visit with the Browns and ultimately everyone was very well behaved...and I didn't screw anything up.

So I stayed home the following day to continue helping with the daily grind. Erin stayed in bed for most of the morning and then stayed on the couch for the afternoon. Whatever she had is long gone now, but for the last couple days it took a lot out of her. But here is the point: on my "day off" I sat down for the first time at about 7:30 pm and when I did so it was in a barely conscious lump on the couch.

I love the minute by minute account so let me attempt to accurately describe Thursday, March 6, 2008:

4:30 - wake up to give Molly her first dose of medicine [this is a new thing we decided on at the GI Tuesday; she thought if we could get Molly her reflux meds earlier then it may prevent her from that sole episode of spitting up we were so perplexed by every morning. So far it has worked.]

7:00 - Gavin comes down and wakes me up.

7:30 - After 30 minutes of fading in and out between conscious and not so much, each segment of conscious filled with Gavin begging for breakfast, I head to the kitchen. I start to make coffee and realize we only have enough to make one cup of coffee. Then I pour Gavin some cereal and cover it with the remaining drops of milk.

7:35 - I start making a grocery list as he eats his breakfast.

7:50 - Get Gavin in the shower. Around this time I also start the first load of laundry. [Keep in mind in our house a "load of laundry" actually consists on three: the one coming out of the dryer to be folded; the one moving from the washer to the dryer; and the one being sorted and put into the washer. I only mention this because I will likely leave out the future details of this process except perhaps to mention that it went on almost constantly all day until I folded the last stitches of clothing at around 7 pm.] It's also around this time I get Molly's first feed started.

8:05 - Get Gavin out of the shower and dressed (that's correct, he takes very long showers). Now of course at this point I do not realize how busy my day is going to be, but as I get his clothes out I realize I need to add another task to my list: getting him new pants because all of his have holes in them. This is also around the time I start to get frustrated with him for not wanting to wear exactly what I hand him. Until I listen to his argument and remember what it was like to be little.

[Basically I handed him a pair of solid navy blue boxer briefs. He starts whining about how he doesn't want to wear them because they're not comfortable. I tell him they're exactly like the sports ones but without pictures. He continues to whine and proceeds to tell me he doesn't like them because they have no pictures on them. I explain it makes no difference because his clothes will be covering them. Then after some back and forth he comes clean with, "but when it's potty time the other kids will see them." How could I have been so dumb? Obviously you don't want to be the only kid whose drawers don't have pictures on them. Just like when you're about eight and you don't want to be the only kid whose do.]

8:15 - check some emails and check in with the folks at work. I suggest to Gavin we get going early to hit the grocery store before dropping him off at school. Gavin is nothing if not a creature of habit and he wants nothing to do with this pre-dropoff grocery store run. Erin reminds me Molly has a doctor appointment at 9:30. This is not in my Calendar. I try to mentally work through the fact that something could actually be scheduled AND attended without being in my Calendar. This phenomenon makes me uncomfortable.

8:40 - we're out the door to school. Gavin promises to have a good day even though he is not sure how he feels about me picking him up two days in a row. He has been begging me to pick him up at school for months and now that I am going to do so two days in a row he is not buying into it. It seems picking up is something Mommies do.

8:50 - As I drive away and check my Calendar for instructions on what happens next, I ponder where Gavin could possibly get these habits from.

9 - Back at the house briefly while I change Molly's clothes and get her ready for the doctor. This includes stocking the diaper bag, bringing a change of clothes, getting her coat on, loading her into the car. All of this takes nearly 20 minutes. And then we're off to the doctor.

9:25 - "Welcome to Dunkin Donuts can I take your order?" I started to drink that one cup of coffee without milk a couple hours ago but coffee makers just aren't designed to make a good single cup of coffee, and it's impossible to drink mediocre coffee black.

9:30 - Dr. Paul's office is completely empty and we sign in and go to the exam room immediately. We wait a total of about five minutes before he comes in to check on her. He comments how Molly is more animated than he has ever seen her before. He leaves the room for a few minutes and returns to see Molly cracking herself up on the table. Dr. Paul has never heard Molly laugh before; I think this makes him happy. After the second of two needles goes into her legs she lets out a loud scream; this he has heard before.

10:05 - Drop Molly off at the house and head out to Target and the grocery store.

10:30 - Wandering aimlessly through Target buying things from my grocery list that I'd think would be less expensive in Target, and pants for Gavin. And the first two Harry Potter books (I've read them all now, but I want to start over and I borrowed the first five from a friend - so now I have to buy them).

10:40 - At an otherwise empty deli line in the grocery store. This is apparently the time to do your grocery shopping. And up until now I thought it was normal to pull the number thirteen digits higher than the one currently being served.

11:05 - As usual I have spent just over the weekly budget for what appears to be very little food.

11:15 - Unload the groceries; check in at work; revisit the laundry; check on Molly's food and meds. She and Erin are resting in front of the TV downstairs.

11:45 - Pick up Gavin from school. [Gavin has to be conscious of his behavior at school so we have started a rating system with his teachers: a plus is worth two, a check is worth one, and a minus is zero. The total at the end of the week determines how fabulous/mediocre his reward will be. This is the first time I have witnessed the negotiation that takes place to determine the day's mark.] Plus day for Gavin.

Noon - We're working our way through the aisles of Blockbuster to find him a good movie to watch. We discuss the merits of 101 Dalmatians vs the Backyardigans Secret Agent movie he has already rented once before. We secure 101 Dalmatians and head home.

12:15 - Make Gavin's lunch; attend to more laundry; check on Molly's food supply.

12:50 - Put Gavin in for his nap. I now have a good chunk of time to get some things done. Some of the fun things I choose to do: fold three loads of laundry that have accumulated; put clothes away; check in at work.

...there is/was obviously more to this day, but I don't remember it now.

What Happens Now?

It's been months, I know. I drafted this post below a long time ago. It was meant to be sort of a sign off. Or at least to announce a hiatus. Since I never posted it, it probably seems as though I have just disappeared. I am quite certain you all understand why this is. But in the spirit of honesty, and in an attempt to transition back into this thing we do here, I give you my farewell post from three plus months ago...


MARCH 31, 2008

I've been hesitant to post anything because I am not quite sure what the purpose of this space is anymore. When it started it was a place to update people on Molly and her challenges, progress, milestones. It casually slid into a space for those things and general Brown family challenges, successes/failures, milestones, etc. All along, however, it was about Molly.

It is and always has been Molly's space. Sure, I throw in a random post now and then that seems to have very little to do with the Bear, directly, but it would still be immediately brought back to where it belongs.

What happens now?

I've also been hesitant to post because - well to be honest - I am bitter. I am sad; and angry; and disappointed. I'm tired. And I have no idea what I am supposed to write.

I miss my little girl. How many different ways can I say it? How many different posts are really necessary to articulate that?

Sure, we have happy memories. Tons of them. Those are what get me through the day. Those are how I get out of bed in the morning; how I sit in my office and smile; how I carry on a normal conversation with someone.

This has always been the space where pure, unadulterated honesty slips through the cracks. It's always been a safe place for vulnerability and curiosity. For some reason I always felt like I could write things here that would never be said or done in "real life."

So now what? I am supposed to just complain about how unfair this is? Post all the things that I see on a daily basis that remind me about the little Bear I should be tucking in at night rather than blowing a kiss to in an empty room? Honestly, does anyone want to read that?

So, seriously, what happens now? I'd say for the foreseeable future there aren't likely to be a whole lot of posts. If something of interest pops up I will certainly get it up here, but as for regularly scheduled updates or random thoughts...I am not so sure. Because, since this is the place for unadulterated honesty, currently the real me may actually be easier to be around than the blog me.

Finally: Video

Thanks to one of the top five women in my life to whom I am not married/related for helping me put it together, and to the Admiral's parents for getting it uploaded, I finally have video to offer. I'd say this is one of those things I wish I would have done sooner, which I have been saying more often lately...

Part 1 of Molly's slideshow:


Part 2 of Molly's slideshow:


Part 3 of Molly's slideshow:


Part 4 of Molly's slideshow:


Part 5 of Molly's slideshow:


Part 6 of Molly's slideshow:

Heartfelt Thanks

A quick note of thanks to everyone who has: sent flowers; called/emailed/mailed cards; posted comments/signed guestbooks; made contributions in Molly's memory; bought/delivered/sent food; hung out with us until the wee hours of the night and/or morning; and any other show of support I have left out. We are so thankful for the love and support of all our friends and family and we can't thank all of you enough.

Those of you who were able to take the time to join us for Molly's memorial service yesterday, we're glad you were able to share Molly's farewell with us. It was a special day for our family (albeit sad) and we were touched by all the visitors. I know some of you traveled a great distance, and I hope we had a chance to fully express how touched we were by that.

I am working on getting Molly's slideshow posted on this site, but for some reason it is giving me trouble right now. I'll keep working on it; it keeps me busy.

It is with indescribable sadness that we report the sudden and unexpected passing of Molly Elizabeth. Last night at about 7:30, while sitting on Erin's lap at the dinner table surrounded by loved ones, without a sound or the slightest hint of discomfort, Molly's heart simply stopped beating. Police and paramedics responded immediately, CPR was administered, and she was rapidly transported to the hospital in Princeton. Emergency Room personnel admirably attempted to revive her for over thirty minutes. She never regained consciousness after that silent goodbye at the table.

A memorial service will be held at St. Anthony of Padua in Hightstown, on Tuesday, March 18 at 10:30 am; interment will follow at Holy Cross Burial Park in South Brunswick; then a gathering of friends and family in the hall at St. Anthony. All are welcome.

As this will be a celebration of Molly Bear's life, please don't feel the need to wear black.

In lieu of flowers, contributions can be made to the Trisomy 18 Foundation in Molly's memory: 4491 Cheshire Station Plaza, Suite 157, Dale City, VA 22193.

It Only Seems Long Because It's a Leap Year

That's right, it really hasn't been as long as you think it has since I posted something. It's just that since it's a leap year it seems longer.

So Molly has been doing well since her discharge from the hospital. We're having some trouble with her feeds, as usual, but otherwise she is fine. Today she has an appointment with the GI, so maybe she can give us some ideas on what else to do. We appear to have tried everything; we're not doctors.

It's too bad we're not doctors because it would come in handy with all the bugs currently going around. The weekend after Molly came home from the hospital, I was knocked completely for a loop by some variety of a bug. I didn't have the high fever that is supposed to go along with the flu, but I did start taking medicine as soon as I felt the first symptoms. At any rate, I came home from work on Friday afternoon (the day of the "big snowstorm"), participated in a snowball fight with Gavin and Erin, and then by dinner time I was asleep. Save for the occasional trip downstairs to fill my water, I was pretty much asleep until Sunday night around 9 pm. I was incapable of standing up for longer than a few minutes. My whole body hurt (most notably my fingers as I tried to change the channel using the TV remote) and I was flat-out exhausted. Fortunately it was also the weekend of the NFL Combine so I had something to watch each time I woke up for a short time. I even stayed home from work Monday, which I rarely do.

When I got back to work everyone in my office was out. Some of them are just now recovering. Thursday and Friday of last week I was literally the only person here out of a group of five. I am just hoping whatever we all had was the same thing so I don't have to worry about getting it again.

Miraculously (mainly because I was banished to the bedroom and Gavin and Molly stayed far away and Erin slept on the couch) the rest of the Browns have managed to stay healthy. Let's hope that continues.

At the end of last week Molly had a swallowing study done. Specifics can be more efficiently provided by Erin, and I am sure she will offer those to you once she has a free moment. Basically the test was to determine if Molly could try to safely consume foods orally. Apparently the test had positive results, because Miss Molly has been trying all sorts of pureed foods these days. As expected, she doesn't like many of them.

Speaking of safely consuming foods orally, Gavin is off the Life Savers for a while. Last week one managed to slide down his throat, intact, and become lodged in such a manner that while he was still able to breathe (thanks to the hole in the middle of the Life Saver, no doubt) it would not move in either direction. At the point where he confirmed he could not really breathe and started reaching down his throat for the object, I went ahead and forced it out for him. One might think it's a good thing I have CPR and First Aid training, but I will offer this pearl of wisdom: even if you don't "know the heimlich" go ahead and give it a shot. I've practiced it on a dummy a hundred times and the one I gave Gavin was nowhere near perfect technique - and it worked just fine.

Then just this past weekend we celebrated Ethan's baptism. He and his mom and dad came up from Houston and all the Logan/Murphy/Ely/Johnston clans converged on the Plainsboro/Princeton Junction area to celebrate properly. Gavin and Molly got to see their great grandparents from Ohio, who they rarely get to see. It was a nice day. Somehow we even managed to get the church to ourselves. When Gavin was baptized it was the same thing. Normally the service involves many babies all at the same time, but somehow we've managed to have two in our family where we've been the only people there. Maybe the folks in the church know more about us than they let on, and it was planned that way?

Family time continues this week as the Browns have recently arrived from SC for a short stay. While I wasn't paying attention my eldest cousin, Meghan, whose birth I clearly recall happening like five minutes ago, went ahead and turned 17. Apparently she needs to look at some colleges, so the whole family is in town to visit some local institutions, not the least exciting of which is her parents' alma mater and my current employer.

In recreational news Team Molly Bear 2008 is forming as we speak. I sent a recruitment email out the other day to folks who had indicated they may be interested in racing this summer. If you didn't get the email and you think you're up for a run or a tri, please let me know. We have eight confirmed members already, five of whom are new. Keep an eye out for promotional materials arriving in your Inbox in the very near future. Meantime check out the Team Trisomy 18 link to the right if you're curious what the 2008 schedule looks like.

This seems like quite a long post. As an experiment, I am not planning to reread this or spell check. Feel free to edit on your own time.

Molly is Home

Sorry it took me so long to post this. Been a long day. More later.

Back at RWJ. Again

Molly was terribly unhappy on Saturday evening and ended up not sleeping much all night. Sunday morning she had a 105 temperature, so we took her to the ED at RWJ at around noon. We spent a casual afternoon having blood drawn, a couple x-rays, and aurine sample taken, while squished in a crowded pod with a tiny television. Around 3:30 they moved us all to the five-star accomodations on the pediatric floor. We've been there before. Molly is like a rock star up there: everyone knows her.

At any rate it appears she has a urinary tract infection and she'll be in the hospital a few days, at least. They're waiting for some blood culture results to determine if the antibiotics she is on will suffice, or if they'll need to change to another. But that's essentially the treatment: Motrin for fever; antibiotics for infection.

That's basically it.

Bright and Early at CHoP; and Gettin' "Stuck"

The alarm went off at 4 am this morning. Of course, we still didn't get out of the house until about 4:55. It takes about an hour and fifteen minutes to get to CHoP; we need coffee; we've got an hour and five. As one would expect, since we're in a hurry, there are two cars in front of us at the DD drive though - the first of whom is clearly ordering a custom breakfast sandwich that has to be delicately prepared by the lone employee manning the entire place. We then proceeded to hit three straight red lights, all of which appeared to be red at the same time as the intersecting light. I had a slight sense the day was going to be less than stellar.

But miraculously, somehow, through some stroke of absolute miracle [I didn't go less than 80 the whole way], we made it to the hospital with four minutes to spare.

There was no reason for anything to be delayed at that hour, so we anticipated Molly going in for surgery at about 7:15. The only thing that could hold her up - and has before - was her IV. She is what the nurses refer to as a tough stick. We remind the nurse this is the case.

She pages an all-star.

He gets the IV in on the first try and tries to sell my wife on the concept of a wall-mounted flat-screen TV.

Definitely an all-star.

Molly went out right on time. They told us the procedure would be fast, and it was. After we sent Molly off I went down to the cafeteria for a couple bagels and a coffee. I went straight back upstairs to meet Erin. Before we had finished eating our bagels they called to tell us she was out and recovering.

We joined Molly back in prep/recovery. We were keeping a close eye on the time and the weather because we didn't want to get caught in traffic or the "snow storm." It looked like we were going to get out reasonably early.

Then Molly woke up.

And then she threw up.

After a little while she fell back to sleep and was resting comfortably for several hours. Eventually we got her to keep some fluids down and they agreed to let us go home. We were walking out of the hospital at around 1 pm apparently beating traffic, snow storms, and historical precedent.

All in all, quite a good day. We actually pulled off an out-patient surgical procedure. Amazing.

Then we got home. And here is where the day became just plain swell.

It looked like it was going to work out nicely, since there was a box on the step for Gavin. I got a new pair of running shoes in the mail yesterday and Gavin wanted to know why he hadn't gotten any packages lately. So this was quite a welcome turn of events.

Erin walked in and checked the voicemail. I grabbed the US mail. As she listened to the messages, I went through the pile. In the span of about 30 seconds the following took place:

1) I got called for jury duty. I can probably get out of it, but seriously, is there a more clear symbol of bad karma?

2) I was denied for a loan I didn't apply for. I presume it was because I talked to the loan officer about potentially refinancing and then never got the paperwork done, but I really have no idea. In any event, it was nice to see the bank I've been using since 1997 stand behind one of their loyal customers.

3) Our new insurance decided to no longer cover Molly's formula. Not a huge deal, I mean I guess we shouldn't have gotten used to someone else paying for Molly's food anyway. But it was a nice stipend. And remember, when I say new insurance I mean new six months ago. So I'll have to assume this denial will be accompanied by six months worth of bills.

"Yes, hello, I have a 3 pm appointment to see 'The Man'."

"Right you're scheduled for the 'kick in the groin and steal your girl?' Go right in he's expecting you."

But let's look on the bright side. We're home and Molly is feeling much better. In fact, as I type she and her big brother are sound asleep. And I will soon follow.

Thanks to all of you who called/sent emails and texts to check in today. We appreciate you all looking out for us.

Oh yeah, and since I know you've all been on the edge of your respective seats since last Wednesday: I gave up procrastination for Lent. Friday

An Afternoon at CHoP

So much better when it's just a couple hours. And even more so when it is pre-planned and non-emergency. Of course, it's still a hospital. And it's still in Philadelphia.

I don't miss making that drive. Let's hope we can continue to avoid needing to do so.

But I did get to wear a Super Bowl Champs t-shirt into the city of "brotherly love." It's like someone offering a ride on their private jet: you'd be foolish to pass up the opportunity.

So the Bear is scheduled for the surgery to have tubes put in her ears next week. We've been informed it's a "day surgery" and we should be on our way home in no time flat. We will likely have to be there at about 6 am; they'll prep her for the procedure, which reportedly takes all of 15 minutes; and then she'll have to recover for a few hours. Try to imagine our excitement if all actually goes this smoothly. Fingers crossed.

Her vitals were excellent yesterday. All the numbers looked good, her lungs sounded good, she was happy and well behaved.

We actually had the same nurse practitioner prepping her that we saw before the catheterization in October 2006. Needless to say she was taken aback by Molly's progress and demeanor. I hate to put words in anyone's mouth but I would be shocked if she thought back then she'd be seeing us almost a year and a half later for an elective surgery.

Of course, all kidding aside, it's still surgery and Molly is still delicate. The procedure is short, but if her breathing isn't stable once they anesthetize her, there is a possibility they'll need to open up her airway. This is never an easy job, since her airway is so narrow. And there is always the possibility once this happens that she won't go back to breathing on her own. There is a chance of this happening to anyone. But, obviously, odds increase as a result of Molly's somewhat unique genetic makeup.

But they don't really talk about that much, because it's so unlikely. We, like many other things medical, are just sort of keen to it because if our experiences.

At any rate, let's hope Molly stays healthy for the next few days so she can go in as scheduled, and have all that extra strength. We'll keep you posted on her, ovbiously.

"You Can't Win."

C'mon you know the scene: Right before Rocky storms out of his Main Line mansion [I know I wish he lived in North Jersey, too, but I didn't write the movie and they had to make him a Philly guy for the sentimental attachment] to drive his Lambourghini recklessly through the streets, his condescending and pessimistic wife tells him all the reasons he is crazy to fight the big, mean Russian who has just killed Apollo, culminating with the dramatic (and high-pitched), "You can't win."

So it's not a perfect football metaphor, although brilliantly written amidst mid-1980s Cold War tension, but as a Giants fan I've got to say I felt a bit like Rocky walking into the ring against the overpowering, genetically superior, and thus far perfect New England Patriots the other night.

We hung tough with them on Dec 29, losing by decision after a 15 round battle. We used the momentum from that game to catapult through the playoffs, beating the two best teams in the NFC (two of the three best teams in the league). And finally, somehow, after establishing ourselves as a legitimate contender, upended the "best team in the history of the NFL" - the undisputed heavyweight champs - with a flawless defensive scheme designed to pressure the unflappable Tom Brady, and another solid effort from our coming-of-age-before-our-eyes-QB-of-right-now.

I'd be lying if I said I knew we could do it all along. Hell I picked us to go 4-12 at the Draft Party back in April. I was nervous going into the Tampa game; I had a good feeling about Dallas; I was scared of Green Bay. Once we got to the Super Bowl, "I am just glad to be here. Wanted to do my part and help out the team." Seriously: Super Bowl runners-up; the 19th game ending in a win for a perfect team; a gutsy Giants squad who won 10 straight games on the road, including one in a European country on the hallowed grounds of Wembley, one in the hostile environment that is Dallas, one on the frozen tundra of Lambeau in the second coldest game of all-time! I mean c'mon, how could I be disappointed with that season?

The Pats were perfect. They set records in just about everything. They're a dynasty. I'd be lying if I hadn't thought "we can't win."

But then a funny thing happened at the end of a 60 minute battle. Don't get me wrong: some loose balls bounced the right way; some wayward passes fell shockingly incomplete; a QB refusing to lose somehow breaks four tackles to loft a ball downfield where a special teams expert/# 4 WR makes amazing use of his helmet during the gutsiest drive in recent SB memory (surpassing the drive Brady and the Pats had just completed moments earlier).

And we get to spend the next year as the Super Bowl Champions.

But what am I going to do for the next seven months? Ah the wonders of DVR.

Healthy - Sick - Healthy

So Molly was doing well after kicking that nasty cold she had just after the new year. Last week when we went for shots she was fine. Then Thursday when we went to the GI she had a fever. As the days went by the fever went up rather than down and we returned to the pediatrician to find she most likely had a stomach bug.

The stomach bug caused her to dislike eating a bit, so we had to get back to the GI to find out how to alter her feeds appropriately - you see how these things spiral?

Well now she is back to healthy. At least she appears to be. She is happy and vocal and really that's how we measure her health these days.

The Bear has some big days coming up in the next couple weeks so, as always, please keep her in your thoughts and we'll keep you in the loop.

On Feb 12 she is having tubes put in her ears: this should be a fairly straightforward procedure, and hopefully we will not need to spend more than a day in the hospital. One never knows, however, so we'll just keep our fingers crossed. We're hoping this helps Molly's hearing and it will certainly help the doctors' ability to see into her ear canals to check for infections, etc.

On Feb 22 she is having a swallowing study done to ensure that she is swallowing safely. She had a feeding evaluation last week where the facilitator was very positive about her capability to progress toward solid food. We have some work to do to get her to that point, but if all goes well with the study we can start moving that way.

And in case you haven't been paying attention, the Giants are in the Super Bowl. Patriots fans need not visit this space until further notice.

I Was Minding My Own Business, I Swear - Part 2

Last November, during one of our CHoP visits, I was accosted by an Eagles fan in the cafeteria. I was minding my own business, I swear. I was in Philadelphia. I was wearing a Giants hat. It was the middle of the season and both teams were very much "in it". I tried ignoring the guy, but there comes a point where you just have to say something. It was all in good fun.

A few Sundays ago, in the bagel place near our house, I truly am minding my own business. I am standing at the front of the line waiting for my bagels; I am rocking that same flex-fit sideline cap from a year ago; I am anxious for the 4 pm kickoff in Dallas even though it's hours away. In a strange dialect I hear someone behind me mumbling about "choking" and "Manning" and some other such things. It reminds me how annoying the Cowboys really are. They're like the Yankees: basically someone in every corner of every town in the entire world claims their loyalty. It's bad enough I have to live right on the border separating Eagles fans from Giants fans, but now I have to be reminded of "America's Team" spanning all corners of the universe.

I glance behind me casually to see the store has filled up, as it does on Sunday mornings. One customer has an odd grin on his unshaven face hidden slightly behind knockoff Dolce's. He seems to be looking in my direction. But I turn back around without a word.

I can still hear him talking that nonsense. And now he has gotten another person involved who seems to speak the native language more clearly. They're absolutely discussing the very game I am anxiously anticipating. But I don't care. In a few minutes I will be back in my house, surrounded by Giants fans, enjoying a warm bagel.

For some reason it is taking a long time to get me my order. The rest of the line is moving quickly. Now I feel two eyeballs peering at me just over the top of those fake Italian shades. I am ignoring him. I refuse to even look that way.

"Well we'll see you in the offseason tomorrow," he says. The words come out slowly, but relatively clearly. It seems his brain does not process these words as quickly as those in his own dialect. It was then I realized I had heard this accent before and all rationality escaped me.

"What are you an Eagles fan?!" I said.

His foolish grin widened; his head nodded.

This is my neighborhood! This is not Philadelphia! Granted we live right on the border, but we're on the north side. Eagles fans should be going to bagel places in Hamilton. They don't deserve the high-quality, perfectly crusted, round dough of Hot Bagels. I simply must be imagining things. Not to mention we're talking about the Divisional round of the playoffs...a game taking place roughly six weeks after the Eagles season unoffically ended, and two weeks after it literally ended.

"Sorry about that." I say as I finally collect my order and walk toward the exit.

"Yeah we figured it was about time you guys won one."

This is now the second thing he has said clearly enough for me to understand, but also the second thing that has made virtually no sense.

And then I notice he is following me out the door.

The rest of the conversation was quick and painful, each of his comments sending me further and further into a pit of hatred for all those pledging allegiance to the dirty bird of south Philadelphia. And for that matter the Flyers, Phillies, Soul, Ben Franklin, Vince Papale [Ed. note: even I can't root against Rocky], Dave and Busters, Robbins 8th and Walnut, whatever...and it basically just consisted of me pointing out reasons - rooted in fact - why the Giants were superior, and him mumbling things that were barely complete sentences in response.

Me: "Right since those two Super Bowl wins don't measure up to your two appearances."
Him: "Your QB stinks."
Me: "Your QB has been overrated for eight years, and can't complete a season."
Him: "He wins when they count."
Me: "Like those three straight NFC Championship games he lost or the Super Bowl where he threw up in the huddle?"
Him: "He owns the Giants."
Me: "1-1 in his career against the Giants in the playoffs and Garcia actually played in the win."

The moral of the story is that I would never talk trash to a total stranger simply because they are wearing clothing supporting a team I hate. And I am certainly smart enough to know I have no leg to stand on when my team is no longer playing. My preference is to say nothing. But there comes a point where it's just too daggone hard to be quiet.

And the important thing to really take from this whole experience is it's now been a solid two months since the Eagles played a game that mattered, and the Giants have won two since this little exchange. With one more to go.

And please get your bagels somewhere south of my town.

Big Shots

I was off Monday so we took a family trip to the doctor's office. I figured since Erin always has to take Molly by herself it would be nice to give her a break. Of course, since I had to drop my car off for some work and I needed her to give me a ride, she didn't actually get to stay home. So the least I could do was give her a break from having to go back into the room. So while Molly and I hung out waiting for the doctor, Erin and Gavin played in the waiting room.

Molly weighed just over 16 pounds, which is about what she weighed last time. She was in great spirits, and actually was giggling and smiling for the doctor while he was checking her out. And then came the fun part.

He gave her three shots. And they hurt.

Let me tell you, Molly has some lungs on her. I'd be surprised if anyone within a mile of that office didn't hear her scream. It was loud and she made it clear she was not a fan.

But aside from that all is well. Molly has been sneezing less and sleeping well. She has been happy and energetic.

In a couple minutes I am actually meeting Erin and Molly at the doctor over near the hospital. She needs to have a follow up on her belly after the incident from last month. Everything has been working normally, and she has slowly been increasing the volume of her food. So this appointment should be nice and easy.

Molly and Erin had a feeding evaluation done yesterday and it seems all went well there. I am sure Erin will write more since she was there. So keep an eye out.

And if you haven't been paying attention, the Giants are the NFC Champs and will be headed to Arizona to play the thus-far-perfect Patriots. We played them tough back in December so I have to hope we can do the same this time around. A good game would be nice; a blowout victory our way would be even better.

Toronto Isn't as Cold as You'd Expect (Jan 6, 2008)

I was home from Toronto this morning before 9:45 am. Getting up to go to the airport at 4:30 is tough, but when it gets you home with a full day ahead of you it makes it all worthwhile.

As anticipated, Erin had to cancel. This is unfortunate because I would have liked for her to be there with me but more so because now we have to find a way to reissue a ticket that is one way on Air Canada and the other on US Air. Not a whole lot of options there, I guess? Seems like we'll be taking a long weekend to Canada at some point soon.

The weekend was a huge success. 8,000 Knights fans made the trip north of the border to participate in numerous University/Foundation sanctioned events, and watch the football team completely dismantle an over matched Cardinals team.

I managed to have a lot of fun while working the majority of the time, and I still also managed to get some sleep. Of course, being on the road did not get me back to good health.

Big Giants playoff win this afternoon. Next up is Dallas down their way. Keep your fingers crossed. Nothing would make me happier.

Well, obviously, I'd also like Molly to get better. She seems to be doing just that. Hopefully she is on the back side if her cold and will be her normal self again soon.

Happy New Year (Jan 2, 2008)

I'm back at work for the first time since Dec 22 and it feels like I have only been out a couple days. I'm still really sick and not looking forward to getting on a plane tomorrow (luckily it's only an hour flight) with sinus congestion.

Molly is still very congested as well and she has not been sleeping well at all. We've started to give her supplemental oxygen at various points during the day and all night. She is still on antibiotics, and she is still getting regular nebulizer treatments. Hopefully the combination of all these things is going to help move things along, although at this point it seems unlikely.

For New Year's eve this year we decided to make it even less eventful than we usually do. We grilled a couple steaks, drank a few glasses of wine, and all went to sleep well before midnight. Gavin and I had a sleepover on the couch downstairs. He has been asking if he could do that for months and since I have been sleeping on the couch for what seems like two weeks no it made sense to go ahead and do that. He and I both woke up around 4 am and he wanted to know when the ball would drop. I told him we missed it by a few hours and we'd have to wait until next year - when we'll record it just to be on the safe side.

At any rate, despite Molly's current displeasure, we have a lot to be thankful for as we say goodbye to 2007. Overall it was quite a successful year and we couldn't be happier. We're looking forward to another great year in 2008 and, of course, wish you and yours a healthy and happy '08 as well.

A Giant Disappointment (Dec 30, 2007)

I started to feel a little sick on Tuesday evening. I knew something was wrong when I was sitting in the living room at the Logan's house, in front of a huge, roaring fire, freezing. Then I woke up Wednesday and there was no doubt. I spent the majority of the day Wednesday on the couch, and I even slept there Wednesday night. By Thursday afternoon I was feeling a little better and then Friday I thought I was pretty well healed.

Of course, then Friday night Molly woke up in the middle of the night not feeling well. And when I say she woke up I basically mean she was jarred awake by some pain and/or discomfort just after midnight, and she didn't close her eyes again for a number of hours.

Saturday I went to the Giants vs. Pats game with Rob. While the overall takeaway is that we almost ruined a perfect season and we played really well, the day as a whole was wrought with disappointment. I'll spare you the long details, but share the list: the western spur of the NJTPKE was closed forcing us to take a bizarre route through Seacaucus that we had to figure out on our own; said route put us on the wrong side of the stadium and thus in a parking lot we're not used to parking in; we bought into a tailgate rather than bringing our own stuff like we always do thus leaving us with nothing but beer upon arrival; when we finally got in touch with the folks from the tailgate we bought into we learned they were in the absolute furthest lot from where we were, and actually quite close to the lot we usually park in; tons of people sold their tickets to Patriots fans all of whom walked into our house like it was theirs (same goes for the players); two of those Patriots fans were seated to our immediate right; and finally, if Randy Moss beats you deep and drops the ball there is no excuse for letting him do it again on the very next play since it's unlikely he is going to drop two in a day, much less in a row.

And I woke up Sunday to find myself sick once again.

And of course, Molly was getting worse. So Erin took Molly to the doctor today where they gave her a prescription for an antibiotic and some meds to put in the nebulizer. She is really junky and according to the doctor her lungs sound a bit crackly. Since she can't cough up the phlegm like we can, a lot of it ends up backing up. Needless to say this makes her quite uncomfortable and keeps her from progressing toward good health.

I am leaving for Toronto on Thursday and Erin is supposed to meet me there Friday night. Rutgers plays Ball State in the International Bowl on Saturday. Right now it's not looking like Erin is going to be able to make the trip.

Merry Christmas (Dec 26, 2007)

Mom and Greg left today after a nice five day visit. We spent a lot of time doing nothing in particular, but it was nice to have them here and I am certain they enjoyed seeing Gavin play soccer over the weekend and open his presents yesterday morning. Santa was good to everyone as he suggested he would be when we saw him a few days ago.

Yes, that's correct, Santa came to our house Sunday. He arrived on a big fire truck and brought with him an early present for Gavin: a big fire truck. He also brought Molly a soft Winnie the Pooh stuffed animal, which goes nicely with the decor of her room. It was nice of him to make the early trip to see us and to spend some time with us around the tree. We sent Santa and his helpers (Mrs. Claus and some firefighter friends of mine) back to the North Pole (the firehouse) with some pumpkin bread and a bunch of cookies. Those are some good people: Santa and his helpers.

Christmas Eve we went to the evening children's mass and then to dinner and a nice, little Italian place near our house with Erin's parents and Monica. Molly and Gavin were very well behaved in both places, which is more than I can say for myself. I spent the entire mass counting the minutes until it was over (just too crowded and pretty long). I am not sure how they can call it a children's mass and make it last 90 minutes? Oh well.

Goodbye 2007....

...hello annoying and tedious illnesses.

Again I find myself appalled by the amount of time that has passed since my last post. And again I realize that so much has happened since that post I can either plow forward and drag this on and on until everyone is all caught up, or I can post a series of short blurbs outlining specific events. I am not sure which one I am going to do but I can assure you that by the time you read this the answer will be clear.

Actually you know what? I am going to do it a little different still. I am going to catapult myself back in time as if I am writing these in a more timely fashion. Rather than backdating the posts and confusing all of you I will simply put the date that the post should have been written in the title of each post. That should make me feel like I actually accomplished something in the last three weeks.

And yes, we're sick. Me and the Bear enough so to be miserable. Erin and Gavin enough to notice. And like that bad tattoo you got when you were 17, it just won't go away. Although, actually, as of last night Molly seemed to be doing much better. She was laughing and playing before bed and slept a good portion of the night without oxygen (although I may be delirious).