My Grandfather Once Told Me...

This space is in no way at risk of becoming a political forum or a platform for preaching ethics. I will never push my opinions on another as relates to politics, religion, morality, etc. I will push my opinions on people as relates to sports, specifically my beloved Giants – who absolutely stink right now.

I am Catholic. And Republican. And a cynic. I fly an American flag outside my house EVERY day and support our troops in every location, foreign and domestic. I drink too much coffee. Sometimes being organized takes over me. All of these things are true. None of them are out of my control.

My Grandfather told me a lot of things. As is the case with most kids, some you recall and some you don’t. There is one particular thing he said to me about ten years ago that still resonates today. Actually it resonates more.

When I was a sophomore in college I was skeptical of authority. I questioned everything. People, as a species, annoyed me. I’d say 50% of the statements I made above were false in 1996. In fact, in 1996, I doubt I would have made those statements because it would have meant I had to classify my beliefs, which were all over the place. At the time I was not going to church. Ever. Consciously, not just because I couldn’t find the time. I remember my grandfather would constantly ask me if I was going and I would always tell him no. Finally one day he asked me, “Don’t you believe in God?” I replied, without hesitating, “I don’t think so.”

He believed in God. He went to church. He practiced Catholicism. He did not question my response. He did not get upset. He simply asked, “Well then what do you believe in? You’ve gotta believe in something.”

At the time I shrugged it off. Whatever. I believed in sleeping late, skipping class to watch TV, not voting because - well - what difference can my vote possibly make? Marriage was overrated. The drinking age was too high. The death penalty was unfair. I was 20 years old and a sophomore at a liberal arts college in central Connecticut. I would have been better off if I believed in anything.

I don’t claim to have it all figured out now. Not even a little bit. But I definitely agree: You’ve gotta believe in something.

Our family has been faced with some difficult challenges this year. We’ve had to make some unfair decisions. I can’t speak entirely for Erin when I say this, but I can speak for myself without a doubt: none of the decisions we made were a result of me being Christian, conservative, sarcastic, patriotic, addictive, or obsessive. I had to remove myself from all of these things that define who I am, and make the decision that was best for our family.

We had to ignore what other people would think. We had to block out what other people believe. We had to figure things out for ourselves.

So what do I believe in?

Whether or not I believe in God is not relevant here, nor will it ever be relevant in this space. But I can tell you for one I believe in honesty; being honest with yourself.

That wasn’t really a big epiphany.

And for another, I believe in people. Anyone who knows me is going to find that completely shocking. But it’s true. This experience has made me believe that people, in general, are good.

Or at the very least, they tend to be honest.

When Molly was diagnosed in March, the very first decision we had to make was whether or not to continue the pregnancy. I have talked about this before so it shouldn’t be news to most of you, but this was not a decision we made immediately. If you go back to those things I said about myself earlier, a couple of them would indicate that the decision should have been obvious. Here’s a secret – my mantra - No matter what you think you'll do in a given situation, you have no idea what you'll actually do until you have no choice but the make the decision.

Admittedly, at first, a great deal of how we weighed this decision had to do with other people. What will people think of us if we decide to end the pregnancy? What will people say if we continue? Will we be able to deal with people asking about the pregnancy as it progresses, especially if they have no idea of the circumstances?

I must say, thinking back to those days, it seems ridiculous that we put any weight on those things. First of all, factoring other people’s opinions into our decision would have been being less than honest with ourselves. Secondly, it would have been selling people short.

People, as it turns out, aren’t so bad after all. And lucky for us, we know some of the greatest people out there. I believe that.