The BBQ Package

How do you differentiate between a long weekend and a long weekend? I guess I could use text treatments? A long weekend would be the act of adding a day or two on the end of a weekend, and a long weekend would be a weekend that just seems longer than normal; the equivalent to a long commute. I guess it doesn't really matter, since this past weekend was both.

On top of the fact that my office closed in celebration of Memorial Day on Monday, I decided the take Thursday and Friday off as well. This extended weekend/mini-vacation was much-needed, and well used. However, we were pretty much non-stop the whole time. Basically we just packed too much into the five days, and forgot to leave any time to really take advantage of the time off.

Thursday we spent the day running traditional errands: groceries, lawn care, taking the car in for service, cleaning. Not that much fun. Totally necessary.

Friday and Saturday we had Trisomy 18 Foundation meetings at our house. We had guests from Canada and DC, and we got a lot of work done over one and one half days of pretty intense planning.

Saturday afternoon we had a BBQ; we'll come back to this.

Sunday we went to visit friends in their new house.

Monday we (actually it ended up being just me but don't get ahead of yourself) went to visit other friends for parade/BBQ.

Some other things were mixed in there as well.

For example, Friday Molly had to go to the GI doctor down in south Jersey. They changed one of her medications, and increased the dosage on the other; If that doesn't work we're supposed to try continuous feeds; If that doesn't work we're supposed to consider a j tube.

Molly was miserable for the trip home from the doctor and, in general, wasn't herself. She had a fever Friday night of around 102.

Saturday morning Erin took her to the doctor even though her fever had gone down. He said she might have a virus that's been going around and to come back Tuesday if her fever was still hanging around. She seemed to be feeling much better and gradually started working back to normal.

Saturday afternoon we had a BBQ; we'll come back to this.

Sunday Molly was pretty much her normal self again. Also, she started tolerating her feeds a bit better. The new medication hadn't been filled yet, so this was with just the alteration of the dosage of the other. In fact, I am pretty sure she only spit up once between Sunday afternoon and Tuesday afternoon. For reference, in a normal day she spits up four times minimum.

Monday Erin and Gavin woke up sick. They both had terrible coughs. They both stayed in the house all day, leaving me to play "single guy" at a family outing. I got a taste of what it's like to be the unmarried, non-parent in a house full of families. So I played the part: I drank a dozen beers, wiped sauce on my jeans, and gave the kids all the Skittles and Coca-Cola they could handle. Then I went home to my real life. Gavin actually stayed home from school on Tuesday, but both he and Erin seem better today.

Oh yeah, we had a BBQ on Saturday afternoon.

The BBQ Package

We were anticipating about 15 people; four of whom were children. I love a good cookout, and I know my way around a grill. But we figured since there were going to be several people we don't know that well, it would be better to spend more time mingling and less time cooking. The BBQ Package has it all, so why not.

Now if you haven't clicked the link to see what it consists of, please do. I mean they thought of everything. We didn't even have to buy napkins.

So I go out to pick it up at 4 pm (everyone has been there since 3) when it seems everyone will be good and hungry. We didn't put any appetizers out because it's all taken care of with this huge order.

I put the huge bags down on the floor and begin to unload the endless trays of food. To my surprise, the meat is all raw. Actually not all raw; the chicken and sausage is cooked and just needs heating. But the steak, burgers and dogs are all raw.

Are you serious?

Now please, people, give me your honest opinions: should I have known this would happen? I've told this story to several people and there have been plenty who think I should have expected raw meats. I am just wondering if there is a majority vote.

To me, you buy raw meat at the grocery store or the butcher. Restaurants sell it to you cooked.

No big deal, I lit the grill and got to work. But it wasn't part of the plan. I love the place the food came from and I am not about to boycott them or anything, but I just feel like something should be said. At the very least they need to make a change in their promotional poster to indicate the meat is raw.

Unless I am the only one who wouldn't know that already?!

When Did I Become a Grown-up?

I started a post on this topic in December and it never materialized. Mostly because I was still pondering the answer. I basically determined there was no answer. It just happens.

You wake up one day, and you're a grown-up.

Well I am reconsidering that position. In some cases, apparently, you can pinpoint the exact day you wake up a grown-up. Sunday, May 20, 2007 was that day for me.

The concept of adulthood is a bit confusing. Does it have to do with age? Status? Behavior? I am not sure. Society's perception of "adulthood" is a bit arbitrary, wouldn't you say?

You turn 18 and you're an adult.

Now you can vote; You can go to war; Be tried as an adult. You still can't drink; Your parents can kick you out of the house; You can't rent a car. When I turned 18 I was a senior in high school; I'd lived away from home for more than three years; I chose not to vote; I didn't have any money. I was not a grown-up. Hell I have friends who are on the back side of 30 that still aren't grown-ups. Not that there is anything wrong with that: I just said I wasn't one before yesterday.

You get married and you're an adult.

I just don't see the connection here. You're part of a two person team so therefore you've got the added responsibility of looking out for another person. But that should just be an inherent desire. If you're married to the right person you would feel that responsibility at any age. The problem is people don't take marriage seriously anymore [obviously I don't mean all people]. And their behavior often makes it clear that they're not quite grown-up yet.

You buy a house and you're an adult.

To get a mortgage you have to be a certain age and portray a certain level of maturity. Basically you have to have a job and a steady income. An 18 year old kid who waits tables, full-time, in a fancy restaurant, can pull in 40 grand and buy a townhouse. He can use the living room for a whiffle-ball field and the kitchen for a meth lab. He's got a blackjack table upstairs where his bed should go, but he passes out on the couch in the second bedroom most of the time anyway because that's where the plasma and the Xbox are. Point being: Not everyone is sewing window treatments and working on the landscaping so they can have the curb appeal.

You have a child and you're an adult.

The philosophical aspect of this statement is so jaded I will leave it completely alone. But even for me, having a child did not make me a grown-up. Sure I had to come home at night, and even if I was a little banged up I had to get up at 6 am. But by the time Gavin was born I was steadily employed, married, and a homeowner so I was already behaving similarly to an adult.

When Molly was born, it got pretty real. We were dealing with emotions we had never realized existed; making decisions no one should ever be faced with; aging well beyond chronology. Even still, #96 in my list of the 100 things I have learned this year, which was posted on just over one month ago, referenced a denial of my own adulthood.

So what could possibly have been such an epiphany, if none of the things above - and not even the combination of all things above - made me feel like a grown-up?

Saturday night when I went to bed I looked out the front window; there was a mysterious vehicle parked in our driveway. No big deal: I wasn't going anywhere. I figured it would be gone by morning. It wasn't. Then I remembered that the mystery vehicle in question had actually been put there by my wife. And we had paid for it before putting it there. And it will be in the driveway for the foreseeable future.

It's a minivan.

I'm a grown-up.

I Never Thought it Would Be Me.

It was bound to happen eventually, but, let's be honest, since I don't do much of anything related to care-giving, I never thought it would be my fault.

Last night, while changing Molly's diaper and getting her into her pajamas, I pulled out her button.

It's been in for a number of months, so the skin has healed around it, and it's supposedly removable. All in all it shouldn't have been too big a deal. But it was.

We were told the hole in her abdomen would heal like an ear piercing and we would be able to put the button back in like an earring after a few months. Well, since I was a big fan of the piercings back in the day, I have plenty of experience with putting earrings in. That is the worst possible analogy that could have been drawn.

In fact, it was more like stuffing a cucumber into the top of a Gatorade bottle. Sure, eventually you'll get it to go in, but not without some extra effort and a little mess.

She was not happy. She screamed right in my face while I was doing it. An hour later she was still mad at me. Two hours later she was asleep on my lap. She slept well and seemed comfortable. I hope we don't have to do that again any time soon. But at least we know we can do it.

Trinity won last night; I know you were all curious. Beat the number one seeded Cortland Red Dragons 2-1 in 13 innings. I listened to most of it; it sounded like an incredibly well-pitched game. The boys play Ithaca in the winners bracket final at noon today. Go Bants.

Which Weighs More?

A twelve pound baby? Or a twelve pound rock?

That's right, folks, the Bear is now up over twelve pounds. This takes her completely out of the newborn category. Meaning, I don't know anyone who weighed over twelve pounds when they were born.

Quickly: wishing the Bantams of Trinity College luck this afternoon in their second round game in the NCAA New York Regional. If you read this between 4:15 pm and 7:30 pm on Thursday, click here for live radio coverage. If you read this later, click here for NCAA Regional coverage. Some of you may not know I played ball for the Bants a million years ago...ok nine years ago. The Class of 1998, my class, was actually the first Trinity team to make the NCAA tourney; we went two and a BBQ. They've done better since then.

Back to Molly.

She had a great trip to the cardiologist earlier this week. As I mentioned before, she now weighs twelve pounds. The doctor also told Erin she didn't need to see Molly again for ten months. We both said the same thing: "When she is ten months?" But no, she actually meant in ten months. When we go back next March the cardiologist is going to consult the surgeons about another procedure to remove he PA band and go ahead and close the VSD. This was also the first time we learned the actual size of the opening - it has always simply been referred to as "a large opening." According to the doctor the hole is 12 mm, just over 1 cm. That's roughly the width of the tip of my pinkie finger. We didn't ask how that related to the size of her heart, but it seems "large" is an accurate descriptor.

Good news all around. Also sort of eye-opening. You all know my superstitious tendencies and I am certainly not going to take anything for granted. I've been skeptical to even make plans for Molly's birthday in August. But hey, it can't be all bad when there is something on Molly's calendar for March 2008.

$0.75

Nine months is three-quarters of a year. Seventy-five cents is three-quarters of a dollar. Get it?

Anyway Molly is nine months old today! Very, very exciting.

It's been a stretch of birthdays for us, and it's not over yet. Going back a week and a half we had UJ's birthday, Erin's mom last Friday, Erin last Saturday, Molly today, and on Sunday Dublin turns six (or 42 in dog years). And Gavin now seems to be at the age where his friends are having real birthday parties, so amidst these two weeks of family birthdays we're mixing in birthday parties for two friends.

And obviously I am not forgetting about Mother's Day. I even got my cards already. And considering last year I had to ask Erin to wait in the car while I ran into the mall - on Mother's Day - to buy her gift, I am way ahead of the curve.

Molly got some shots yesterday: two in each leg. It was her six month vaccine. I seem to remember she was scheduled for them around her six month birthday, but she was sick and had to postpone them. She took it like a pro and, according to Erin, only cried later. It was probably one of those things where the doctor pushed the needle, and then they looked at her in stunned silence waiting for a response. Then, when she noticed they were staring at her waiting for a response, she started to cry.

Doctor said her lungs sound clear. She weighs 11 lb 10 oz with her diaper on.

Starting Monday she will have two sessions a week with her OT.

Total Slacker

I am hard-pressed to think of a time since college where I have just completely abandoned a fundamental responsibility. It's totally irresponsible of me and I wish there was a better excuse. Hundreds of thousands of readers have likely found a new guilty pleasure for business hours. I'd imagine the US Weekly subscription rate has increased; fantasy baseball sites are seeing a record number of transactions; iTunes movie purchases have gone through the roof. And here I am thinking my lack of attention to this space only has an impact on me. Selfish, selfish man.

However I have said this before: when Molly is healthy I am less likely to post and more likely to enjoy her health. And I have been consumed by my full-time paid job, my full-time volunteer job, and my full-time training job.

Since we recently came clean to the fact that this is all about me, I may as well start there (if I haven't already).

The Triathletes for Trisomy 18 program is off to a roaring start. The early and generous participation has been as impressive as it has been humbling. The number of people who stepped up and contributed early has completely changed the perspective of the program. Our original goal was $10,000 and thanks to the 49 people who have given in the last two weeks we are merely $100 from that total. With this continued motivation from teammates and generosity from donors, I would not be surprised to see the total go up over $15,000. This would be a nice base for the Foundation, and a tremendous kick-start to a national program. Bottom line: thank you, thank you, thank you.

In preparation for the big race in July I have run in two 5k fun runs in the last two weekends.

The first was part of a larger celebration at Giants Stadium as we broke up the offseason with a Draft Day tailgate party. Even though the season is still months away we got together with some adult beverages and grilled meat products and spent the morning talking about who the Giants needed to draft to improve on last season's 8-8 record. Then we went inside the bubble and watched the draft on TV. Anyway before all that started I ran a 5k.

Then this past weekend, as part of a larger celebration at Lawrenceville, I ran in the Big Red Race. This race was the end to Alumni Weekend where 1200 of our closest friends come back to school for a weekend of parties and dinners and sporting events on campus. Since I work in the Alumni Office I get to partake in this splendid event. And by partake I mean work from 8 am until midnight Friday and Saturday. Nonetheless, it's a lot of fun.

The best part of the BRR is the kids race. Last year Gavin ran with the "Under 3" crew in the 25 yard sprint. He got a little nervous half way through when he couldn't see daddy at the finish line, and he ran back to Mom screaming his head off. This year he moved up to the 4-5 year old group at 50 yards, and ran it three times. Well only twice officially, but after he ran it with the girls the first time, he had to sprint back to the start line so he could run it with the boys. So three 50 yard legs, two races, no spills, no tears, one medal. Next year he is running the 5k with me.

Saturday was Erin's birthday, but since I was at work all day we didn't do anything special. In fact, we only saw each other for like eight minutes all day. Colleen and Steve were in town for their baby shower, which was Saturday afternoon, so she at least got to do something fun on her birthday.

Everyone will be glad to know that a couple Fridays ago Erin and I finally went to Changs. We had an excellent dinner. It was a little loud, and a little dark. I think that basically means we're getting a little old. But good times, nonetheless.

Now for Molly. As I said, all is well. She seems to be tolerating her feeds better lately. She has been sleeping well. Thanks to the exercises her mother and OT do with her, she is starting to grab hold of things, and balance herself when she is propped up in the boppy. So she isn't exactly sitting up, but let's see anyone argue with me. We were supposed to take her for a feeding clinic last week, but our cardiologist, who works out of the same office, called to tell us that would be a waste of time and money. We'd have had to pay a co-pay for each of the five specialists who participate, and they wouldn't likely have been able to help much anyway. She also had a hearing test a couple weeks ago that she failed. It's a pass/fail test, there are no varying degrees. We're scheduled for a more comprehensive test in a couple weeks where they will hopefully measure the degree at which she can or can't hear. We know she can hear. I don't care what the test says.

Ok so I feel a little better. There are new pictures on the Shutterfly site; I have updated on a couple weeks worth of happenings. Perhaps I can get myself back on schedule and keep this space more up to date. I monitor the traffic on the site, so I know people are checkin in daily. Thanks for bearing with me.