What Happens Now?

It's been months, I know. I drafted this post below a long time ago. It was meant to be sort of a sign off. Or at least to announce a hiatus. Since I never posted it, it probably seems as though I have just disappeared. I am quite certain you all understand why this is. But in the spirit of honesty, and in an attempt to transition back into this thing we do here, I give you my farewell post from three plus months ago...


MARCH 31, 2008

I've been hesitant to post anything because I am not quite sure what the purpose of this space is anymore. When it started it was a place to update people on Molly and her challenges, progress, milestones. It casually slid into a space for those things and general Brown family challenges, successes/failures, milestones, etc. All along, however, it was about Molly.

It is and always has been Molly's space. Sure, I throw in a random post now and then that seems to have very little to do with the Bear, directly, but it would still be immediately brought back to where it belongs.

What happens now?

I've also been hesitant to post because - well to be honest - I am bitter. I am sad; and angry; and disappointed. I'm tired. And I have no idea what I am supposed to write.

I miss my little girl. How many different ways can I say it? How many different posts are really necessary to articulate that?

Sure, we have happy memories. Tons of them. Those are what get me through the day. Those are how I get out of bed in the morning; how I sit in my office and smile; how I carry on a normal conversation with someone.

This has always been the space where pure, unadulterated honesty slips through the cracks. It's always been a safe place for vulnerability and curiosity. For some reason I always felt like I could write things here that would never be said or done in "real life."

So now what? I am supposed to just complain about how unfair this is? Post all the things that I see on a daily basis that remind me about the little Bear I should be tucking in at night rather than blowing a kiss to in an empty room? Honestly, does anyone want to read that?

So, seriously, what happens now? I'd say for the foreseeable future there aren't likely to be a whole lot of posts. If something of interest pops up I will certainly get it up here, but as for regularly scheduled updates or random thoughts...I am not so sure. Because, since this is the place for unadulterated honesty, currently the real me may actually be easier to be around than the blog me.