Things That Help, and Things That Don't.

We're currently on a vacation that originated solely to get us some time away from day-to-day and all that entails. It's been relaxing. It's given us time to think. It's given us a chance to be together, just the three of us. We've spent the mornings alternating between walking slowly on the beach and running maniacally down the beach trying to wear out Gavin. It's too cold to actually "go to the beach," but it's a nice place to spend some time.

Between the 12 hour drive and the down time on the beach, we've spent a few minutes discussing the subject that serves as the title of this post. We're going through a very difficult process that most people are not able to comprehend. Before the doctor said it to us, we'd never heard of Trisomy 18. We don't have a lot of friends who have lost children. We don't hang out with therapists. So it's not unusual that in casual communication people find themselves at a loss for words.

There is no guideline for what helps and what doesn't. But there are certainly things people can say and do that will help. And conversely there are things people can say or do that won't. In a previous post I linked to this site. There are some good tips there.

Rather than list a bunch of things that do or don't help us cope with what we're going through, it may be more useful to direct people to this page (same site, different page). Check it out if you're curious.

In the meantime, remember this: the fact that you recognize that there may be something that does or does not help shows that you care. Caring is what we need most. Just making an effort means a lot.